In which Jack's secret is uncovered
by frigo
Summary: I believe this type of story is referred to as CRACK.


Sometimes, Ianto likes to read fanfiction. He doesn't remember how he ever got into it, but it's become something of a routine to relax to a quality, AU Harry/Draco fic after a tough day at work. If he cared to examine this routine a little more closely, he'd probably find that, by reading fanfic, he is able to escape to worlds that are far, far away from that of Torchwood. He'd also realise that Harry's relationship with Draco is a lot like the one he has with Jack. That is, intense and hot and completely, utterly fucked up. But Ianto, being steadfastly Ianto, chooses not to analyse the fact that his sex drive is sated after a well-written fic-fuck, which, incidentally, doesn't have anything to do with his hand. In fact, Ianto doesn't think about reading fic at all. He just does, as if it's a natural part of him...or something.

But he'd never admit to it. Oh no, not even on his own mother's life.

--

Sometimes, Jack likes to write fanfiction. He's always had a tendency to write: it's something he's been doing since he was a young boy. And being attracted to men, well, that particular tendency developed rather early on as well. So naturally, being bisexual and drawn to large crowds, he started to write in the Harry Potter fandom. More specifically, the Harry/Draco slash universe. He thinks that the two characters couldn't be better suited to each other: one bitter and experienced, the other forgiving and naïve. Sure, Jack knows they have their bad moments, but they're like ying and yang, black and white, good and evil...If Jack was the type to read into his own fic, he'd realise that his relationship with Ianto is a lot like the one Harry has with Draco.

Not that he'd ever admit to it.

--

Ianto's favourite author of fanfiction is a writer under the username of captainsexy22 (or The Captain, as Ianto rather ironically likes to call him in his mind). The Captain has written hundreds of short, intense drabble-like stories between Harry and Draco. The stories themselves are hard and fast, like forbidden snapshots of private moments, and thus, are extremely hot. And what's more, The Captain updates them every Wednesday, which is good for Ianto as Wednesday afternoon is his only afternoon off work.

--

On this particular Wednesday afternoon, Ianto is doing the final cleaning rounds of the Hub before calling it a day. There's never much mess anymore, what with Owen gone, so he often finds himself at a loss of what to do 30 or 40 minutes before knock-off time. Gwen is always using some excuse to get away, so she's usually off at around 12:30 in order to have lunch with Rhys. Which leaves just Ianto and Jack. At this time on a Wednesday, without fail, Jack is locked up in his private quarters typing away furiously on his laptop. He always looks so deeply involved in what he's doing that Ianto can't bear to disturb him, but the idea of Jack being alone in an empty hub tugs at Ianto's conscience more than he ever lets on. So, Ianto stays, until the clock hands point exactly to 2:00 pm, busying himself with whatever menial task he can find for himself in the mean time. Today, it's re-cleaning Jack's office.

--

Despite all appearances, Jack is a man of routine. And a routine that he has kept for many, many years is to use his one afternoon off a week to catch up on his fic writing. He retreats to his bedroom to do this, although there's really no need as Gwen is never anywhere in sight and Ianto usually leaves after realising that there isn't anything else that he could possibly clean. So, every Wednesday afternoon, Jack updates his fic. And this particular Wednesday afternoon is no different.

--

After cleaning, spraying, arranging and organising almost everything in the office, Ianto moves to Jack's computer. He decides (after looking at the clock and realising that it's only 1:35 pm) to do a complimentary purge of Jack's junk mail, which looks like it's been untouched ever since the creation of computers. There are hundreds of emails that have accumulated over the space of many years, some important, some not. Everything is as Ianto expects right up until 2003, at which point Ianto is so overcome with shock that he manages to knock the coat stand over. It makes a loud bang. After composing himself and checking the screen a second time, just to be sure, he manages to fall off his chair. Instead of checking a third time and subjugating himself to further physical damage, he gathers his jacket and bag and flees the hub.

--

Thanks to his built-in hero complex, Jack naturally hears crashing sounds above him. And naturally, he goes to investigate. He expects rift activity, or "Gwen dramas", or at the very least a sighting of the Doctor. What he doesn't expect, however, is to find the hub completely empty, and his junk mail inbox open on his computer. At closer inspection, a particular message has been selected that Jack would never want to be selected in the history of mouse selection. It reads:

From: ff . net

Subject: FF Review alert

Congratulations, captainsexy22, your story "The Randy Adventures of Potter and Malfoy, private detectives" has been reviewed by welshboy991. Click **here** to see what he/she had to say!

The silence in the hub is broken by a loud, resounding "fuck!" from Jack's office.


End file.
